Mindy the Mythbuster here. I am back and better than ever. I have sharpened all of my mythbusting tools and I can guarantee no myth has a chance against this awe-inspiring human being (me).
Nothing will stop me from achieving my number one goal of busting all of the myths out there, so watch out. I will take the myth world by storm.
Once again, kids do NOT attempt what you are about to read…
Have you ever dropped food on the ground? Have you ever seen a book move by itself? Do you ever wonder what keeps the posters in your classroom sticking on the wall?
Newsflash, all of these questions have a common factor. Cockroaches!
Cockroaches are EVERYWHERE. If you do not see them crawling around then you must be blind. When they are not seen creeping on the walls they are probably hiding in the lockers. Even if you think you are safe because you have not seen them, be alarmed, you are not safe!
The cockroaches are still there, they are just really good at hiding.
This week we are exploring the myth about Springfield High School’s cockroaches.
Who really rules the school? Is it our beloved principal Dr. Leardi or is it the sinister cockroaches?
On the down low, some students would say the cockroaches control everything.
Today we will get to the bottom of this myth. Just like last time, I will be conducting a series of experiments. From these tests I will be able to decide whether or not the school is really infiltrated by cockroaches.
Experiment number one: Food trail
In order to lure the cockroaches out of hiding I decided to use their one true weakness, food. Let us be honest here, no living being could pass up a good meal.
I did not have the heart to use my own food for this experiment, so I may or may not have stolen a bag of chips from my little brother.
I only needed a couple of chips, but I took the whole bag, for science.
From what I have seen, cockroaches like to hang out in locker areas, classroom floors, and on the walls. Basically anything with a flat surface. I made sure I had the best possible outcome for this experiment. During every passing period I made it rain with crumbs.
After just one day I saw results immediately. Instead of ten cockroaches crawling on the wall I saw 30. I was not very surprised, I expected results like these.
I concluded that cockroaches can multiply in number at lighting speed.
Experiment number two: Good Cop, Bad Cop
Back in the day when I took a science class I would always notice the largest cockroaches ever. They were probably mutated by all of the chemicals that were kept in the test tubes in the back of the classrooms.
All of the other cockroaches around the school did not show any signs of mutations like the ones in the science wing.
I wanted to know how the whole caste system worked for the cockroaches. Who was in charge? Who did the dirty work? Who led the cockroach armies into battle?
To find my answers I kidnapped, or should I say cockroachnapped, one suspect from each wing of the school for questioning.
Before taking my suspects into questioning I had researched a little bit about what they hated the most.
They despise cold, fully-lit places, with low humidity. These conditions make them stressed and causes health problems for them. This was just what I needed.
In a brightly lit and cold room the cockroaches were taped to a desk. I went down the line one by one and asked them questions about the school and who they took orders from. They did not budge, so I decided to leave the room for a few hours.
I came back with tall glass of water and slowly took a sip of it in front of the cockroaches. They gulped, I knew they were thirsty and I knew they were close to breaking down.
The last straw for them was when I took a piece of cake from behind my back and took a big bite out of it. That’s when they all broke down and spilled the beans. I found out that there was a queen cockroach that gave orders. If I wanted to stop this infiltration I had to kill the root of the problem.
Experiment number three: Queen C
Now that Halloween is over the costumes are on sale. I decided to go to Party City to find a cockroach costume.
It was harder than I imagined, as most of the costumes consisted of the Joker, Harley Quinn and Sponge Bob.
Fortunately, after searching in several costumes stores, I was able to achieve my goal of disguising myself as a cockroach of Springfield High School.
From my last experiment I found out that the queen cockroach lives in the pipes that are connected to the girl’s bathroom sink.
Using my secret superpowers, I shrunk myself down to the size of a penny. Then I crawled up four flights of stairs to get to the third floor bathroom and shimmied down the sink pipes. It was a long journey but I knew that all of my hard work would pay off in the end.
Before I could reach the end of the pipe a set of large double doors were guarded by two of the largest cockroaches I have ever seen. There was no time to waste, I used my taekwondo skills and was finally able to meet the queen. I pretended to be a loyal servant that was there to give her lunch.
When she wasn’t looking I put poison in her food and she died. Myth busted!
So, cockroaches did rule the school, but not anymore because Mindy the Mythbuster rules school now!